Gazing at the Stars
by calile
Summary: Loneliness and comfort on a summer night. Post HBP, RemusTonks, implied RemusSirius.


When Tonks woke up in the middle of the night, the place beside her was empty. The sheets were cold, so he must have left a while ago. She pushed the covers away and sat up. She poked her toes on the carpet, trying to find her slippers in the darkness. Eventually, she gave it up and crossed the floor barefoot. Maybe he was in the kitchen and had made himself some tea.

The kitchen was empty and dark, but Tonks could see a lone figure standing on the balcony in the shadows of the street lamps. She went outside, shivering at a breeze of cool air. Remus didn't turn, and she wondered if he had even noticed her. He stood straight as a statue, his hands clutching at the railing, his gaze fixed on the night sky.

She stepped forward to stand beside him, not too close because something made her wary of intruding into his personal space. She longed to touch him, to feel his warmth, to trace the lines in his face with her fingers. Instead, she gripped the railing and looked up into the sky where the moon was rising. It was just a pale crescent, but it was waxing. She wondered how he felt when he was watching it. Did he hate it for reminding him how little time he had left until his transformation? She didn't care, it didn't change what he was, but it hurt her that he worried about it so much. She wanted to be there for him, all the time.

For a while they stood there, watching silently. Once, he turned to her with a sad look, as if he wanted to say something, but when their eyes met, he drew away again. The knuckles of his hands on the railing turned white. She wished she knew what to do. She wanted to break the silence or to enter the invisible shield that was around him, but somehow it felt as if it was not her right to do it. All she could do was to stand beside him and hope to give him some comfort, just by being there.

A cloud moved slowly over the moon until it was completely hidden from view. Remus continued to stare into the sky, and suddenly Tonks realised that he was not looking at the moon at all. There was a bright star right above it. The brightest star in the night sky. Her mother had told her about it a long time ago.

"I miss him," Tonks said softly.

He was silent for a while, and she was afraid that he wouldn't answer. "You miss him," he finally said, without looking at her. His voice was bitter.

She felt the cold creeping from the stone floor into her feet. "He was my cousin and my friend. I knew him since I was a child, and I was so happy when he came back. It was such a short time he had ... you had together. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you."

He shook his head. "Sometimes it still feels as if he had just left."

"I know how much you loved him." She knew, she had seen it. And now she was surprised that she didn't feel jealous at all. She had loved Sirius, too, and couldn't begrudge them the little joy they'd had. She just felt lonely, realising that there was something that she would never be able to give Remus.

"Tonks." He turned and gripped her shoulder. "You don't have to do this. You don't have to understand it and put up with me when I still can't stop thinking of him. You should be angry at me."

He let his arm fall down again, but she felt his touch linger on her skin.

"I'm not. I chose this. I chose you. If we moved too fast, if you need a little more time, I can wait."

"It's not about that." The look in his eyes was nearly desperate. "It's not about time. It won't get any better. That's why I turned you away for so long."

"Remember what I said? I don't care. I want you. All there is of you, the whole package with the werewolf and Sirius's lover."

"I don't know if I have anything left to give you."

"You do. You've already given me so much. When he died, I lost the last of my family ties. You were the only one who could understand how much he meant to me. You were there to share my grief. Whatever happens, I will always be thankful for that."

Remus put his hand gently over hers on the railing. The touch of his fingers was like a safe anchor, and she blinked away her tears.

"You were there for me," he said. "In the worst days I didn't feel alone because you were there. But I still don't understand what you see in me."

"I see you, Remus. Just yourself." She paused for a moment. "Did you ever ask him what he saw in you?"

She was surprised to hear a quiet chuckle."He always said that dating a werewolf appealed to his sense of adventure."

"That sounds just like Sirius." She smiled.

Remus turned away. "I miss him so much."

"I know." She put a hand on his arm.

Suddenly Remus caught her in a tight embrace. She pressed her cheek to his and stroked his back. It felt so good to be close to him. She never wanted to let go.

"He ... he would have wanted me to move on," he said.

She closed her eyes and pretended not to notice that his voice had broken. "Yes. He always wanted to live life the fullest."

He didn't reply. They stood silently, their arms tightly wrapped around each other, as if they could keep all the cold and darkness out if they only hugged firmly enough.

"We're not alone," Tonks whispered. "We have each other."

After a long time, they loosened their embrace. They looked up to the brightest star once more before they returned into the warmth of the room. 


End file.
